Do Men Feel Guilty?

I know he is feeling guilty after an especially bad fight when he stuffs the fridge with all the things I love. There’s literally not a single inch of vacant space left on the fridge shelf. That is his way of saying “I’m sorry” when he is afraid to approach me with words. And I appreciate this remorseful act, I’m relieved that at least he is still capable of compassion when he hurts me. Because nothing is worse than the cold brushing off, moving on like nothing happened after penetrating my heart with long thorny insults and accusations.

Men don’t like living with guilt, they are a poor match for the feeling. When forced to acknowledge, accept and apologize for their wrong doings, they get all defensive and twist facts to leave the battle field unscathed. “You provoked me! If you don’t like it, it’s your problem! I am what I am and I’m not going to change”. Yet somehow it is important for me to get through his defense shield and make him face the aftermath of the damage he caused with his careless words and attitude. I need him to know I’m hurting. If I hide my feelings, swallow all bitter pills he feeds me without complaining, he will think – it’s not a big deal, she is not that frail so no need to treat her with care.

I find my ways to deliver the message, to make him feel guilty but also leave the door open for him to fix what he broke. I know that the guilty feeling will soon enough transform into anger so once he “gets it”, I soften up and let him make it up to me. And I appreciate every step he takes forward, and thank him for the treats in our fridge, and for being nice and gentle to me just the way I like it. I help him deal with his guilt as long as he acknowledges it first. I’m not pressing too hard so it’s his turn to feel grateful. I grant him my sweet forgiveness so next time he is less stubborn and apologizes sooner. Or better, thinks more carefully before hurting me again.