Do We Make Them Cheat?

An interesting thing: if you go to Google and type “what percentage”, you will instantly be offered a few choices, the first of which is “men cheat”. And you get some very upsetting statistics: 50-70% of married men in America have cheated or will cheat on their wives. But putting the customary “because that’s what men are” aside, let’s look at the problem from a different angle. Is it possible that wives’ behavior is the root cause of the infidelity? Could we take some of the blame and, what’s more important, can we do something to prevent their possible cheating? And I am not talking about checking their cell phone messages or spying on them in any other way. I am talking about becoming better wives so that our husbands repel the idea of being with another woman.

How many of us are actually guilty of the following:

1. Neglecting to spend time with your husband once you have kids because of the tremendous shift of your focus. Not that I am suggesting to neglect the kids and pay your entire attention to the husband, but a common mistake many wives make is devoting all the love and energy to the kids, being convinced that “he will understand” because “kids need me more right now”. He SHOULD understand, but he doesn’t. He feels more like an outcast in his own house. Motherhood is challenging and exhausting and you need his support, but so does he. If you say that your baby takes all of your time, imagine for a second that you have two babies (3,4,5, etc. – the “+1”concept). If you had one more baby you would somehow find the time for him. So treat your husband as that “+1” and if necessary repeat the mantra “he won’t survive without me” on a regular basis.

2. Neglecting your looks once you get married. Being a wife should not stop you from being a Woman. We do our best to look nice when we get ready for work, but once we are home we can relax: smudged makeup, old stained t-shirt, ugly sweat pants. Remember how you used to look when you were just dating? Always making sure to wash your hair and shave your legs… It should not be any different now, because otherwise he will start paying attention to women who don’t fail to neglect their appearance. You should wear comfortable tidy good-looking clothes when at home. Just imagine that George Clooney (or whoever you choose to imagine) may suddenly appear at your doorstep – will you pass the “I am not ashamed of my looks” test?

3. Neglecting to listen when he talks. Maybe he doesn’t have the most exciting job in the world, and you couldn’t care less about the details of his 5-hour long meeting. Put an effort. Be that person he confides to. Make him feel confident that he can always turn to your with his problems because apart from being his wife you are also his friend. Many extra-marital relationships start off as a friendship. You don’t want him to end up with another woman because she understands him and shows him moral support better than you. Be that woman.

So here are just three simple things you can do to encourage his fidelity: be attentive, attractive and supportive. If he doesn’t find that in you, he may start looking for it in other women. I am strongly convinced that unhappy husbands become unfaithful husbands – so keep him happy.