I can be a really awesome wife. Supportive, understanding, gentle, caring – you name it. It’s just that my experience shows that the harder I try, the less my efforts are noticed or appreciated. He thinks that’s the way I should be, that’s what is naturally expected of me and I should carry on playing the role of a perfect wife 24/7. And on my good-wife days he suddenly turns into a very flawed husband – mean, bossy and arrogant. And I become second class.
There are also periods of time when I seriously suck. Not even as a wife, as a person in general. I make zero efforts to curtail my temper, I let my emotions take over and control what I say: I’m annoyed with everyone and everything and I make sure that everyone and everything “get” it. I probably exaggerated just now: I’m not that bad, just human. So I say or do something under the influence of the moment and then feel terribly sorry. But all of a sudden he treats me differently: he actually treats me better when I am worse. He has more patience and forgiveness in him as if to compensate for my temporary inability to be sensible and fair.
So we frequently trade parts: when I give up trying – he tries double hard; when I "invest" into improving our relationship – he alienates himself and increases the distance. How do we get off this seesaw and return to a fair union where both are trying and both are appreciative of the other’s efforts and sacrifices?
2 comments:
I feel the same way you do sometimes. What helps me and my wife the most is just enjoying those perfect moments when they come. Maybe we are fighting about an impending move, or her school, or money... But when we are out, if we both manage to forget all the animosity, we remember why we got married, we remember how much we agree on. So I guess what I am trying to say is, in order to remember the good, you have to forget the bad, and you have to stop keeping score(and that is the hardest part because I am way better at husband-ing that my wife is at wife-ing, LOL). It is pride that always does the most damage.
I like the whole "husband-ing and wife-ing" concept: who is better at what....? I agree that keeping score is useless because there are barely any unions where both the spouses possess the same "spousal" skills. One always sucks a little more than the other.Hmmm... I might turn that into a separate post - thanks for the idea!
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