Comparing Your Husband to Others

I don't like to compare because of the emotional impact comparison usually has on us. But sometimes you can't help it. Watching someone else's husband who is more involved, sweeter with his wife, closer with his kids creates this unpleasant inner stir that I'm missing out. I do see happy couples occasionally, who are so in sync, so connected. But mostly I see relationships where the two people are ... just together; and you sense a lot of dissatisfaction and unhappiness beneath the calm surface.

Anyway, I'm always glad when I am presented with the opportunity to compare to someone worse, not better. To get a chance to think about someone else's husband, "thank god I'm not married to that dude" (though I suspect many women think the same about mine). Sometimes this comparison makes you see your partner in a new light and reconsider whether some of his flaws are actually that bad.

We've been having a contractor coming in to repaint the walls in our house. What initially seemed like a quiet, reserved guy turned out to be a nightmarish chatterbox. The minute my husband steps out the door the dude opens his mouth and pours the endless stream of words down on me (my husband normally doesn't talk much - what a blessing). Mostly this guy complains about everyone and everything (my husband does not like to complain especially when he is having serious problems; he keeps everything to himself to spare me from excessive worrying). This guy keeps saying dirt about his ex- and current wives (I know for a fact my husband never discusses me with anyone). This guy keeps making inappropriate jokes of sexual nature (my husband would never talk like that with a stranger, he treats all women with a distant respect).

I now find myself thinking warmer thoughts about my hubby because he is not all those repulsive things some men are. I like how this guy is intimidated by him and shuts up in his presence. Everybody has their vices but we usually choose someone whose flaws we can put up with (even if a different woman would find them unacceptable). Bit this recent experience emphasized my husband's merits and reminded me why I was attracted to him 10 years back: not only for all the things he was, but also for the things he was not.