Temptations, temptations…

You stayed married for years and your life together became so mundane, that any thought to spice things up and add more romance is just a thought, never really leading to action. Your relationship is so predictable: you know how he will respond to whatever you have to say; you know what things not to mention; you may visualize effortlessly how you are going to spend the next weekend, month, year, life. There is comfort and stability in this status quo, but boredom too: you often feel that you need something extreme to happen in order to get you out of this stagnation – you long for an adventure.

And then He will appear in your life. First as a very good friend. It will make you so happy – being just friends with a guy who understands you so well, who is ready to listen to your complains for hours (not pretending to be listening like your husband often does). He asks you a bunch of personal questions, and is eager to help at your first request. He notices and gets concerned about your slightest mood change. You feel flattered that someone cares about you to such an extent. This friendship is the best thing that happened to you in a long time: it’s nothing like chitchatting with your girlfriends with their never-ending nagging about relationships and their own problems. When you talk to him – you are always the center of any conversation. You can't wait to tell him about the latest events of your life because no one can listen like he does.

Then you begin to notice strange things. The way he looks at you, those longer than appropriate gazes. The way he “bumps” into you too frequently. A few weird way too personal compliments. It will finally occur to you one day – a terrifying and sweet thought: he has insanely deep feelings for you! This scary thought will lift you up and crush you all at once. What a pleasure it is to have an admirer, and what a curse it is! You may choose to confront him or prefer not to know. All the same: things are about to get nasty.

It's a big temptation to keep this friendship: you are unlikely to ever find such a devoted friend, who will rush to you when you need him, who is always conveniently there. But it cannot go on forever because his longing and suffering will inevitably come to the surface. The longer you stay friends, the more he gets to know you, the deeper his feelings for you will get. He is so needy now - and unsatisfied needs lead to anger. So if you try to maintain the appropriate distance – or even worse to increase it and put up some barriers - before you know he becomes your enemy. Or if you retain your friendship at the same level, he might feel used. He wants to be more than just your puppy on a leash.

Getting out of this is a challenge: the best thing you can do is to end this relationship before it’s gone too far. Even though you know that he won’t take it well and you yourself might have to go through the widest and wildest range of emotions. So the best advice here: keep the distance from the very start, don’t get too personal with your new friends of the opposite sex, who suddenly show so much interest in your personality.