He is Wrong

Men are supposed to be strong, so in a difficult moment they could support and console us. But many men I’ve met have this peculiar weakness – they are not capable of taking the blame. It’s back-breaking for them to an extent, that they will try to put the blame on someone else’s shoulders. Someone who happens to be nearby, involved in their life one way or another. Most of the time they will blame it all on their wives.

They manage to disguise it so that we’ll think we are totally guilty. It usually happens as follows: he screwed up badly at work and his boss is giving him a hard time. He comes home in a bad mood. He doesn’t like what you cooked for dinner. He expresses his opinion in a such a rude way – that you answer back, so here is the beginning of a very heated argument. He will remind you of all the things that you’ve ever done wrong. He will call you a bad wife, himself – a victim, your marriage – a failure. You’ll run away in tears, three days of non-talking will follow, and then somehow things will get back to normal. He might even apologize but most likely he will just act like nothing really happened.

And you will keep asking yourself: why did I have to go through all this pain, and suffering, and tears, and gray hair added. If he is still with me – then I am not such a bad wife after all?

The problem is you are always taken aback when something like this happens. Yesterday things were perfectly fine, but today the crisis came out of nowhere. We are not always aware of the true reasons behind our husbands’ sudden rage. Occasionally, once we make up, I would ask Jonathan if something happened at work that upset him so much. And he will tell me all about it and why he was so stressed. But I will learn about it AFTER, and until that I will be going crazy with self-analysis – what I did wrong and how I should fix it.

So here is the solution: 1. Remind yourself when something like that happens out of the blue – it’s probably not your fault, you will find out the cause later, when things cool down. 2. Don’t let him drag you into the argument – no matter how hard he tries to provoke you. 3. Don’t bother to answer him or make excuses: he won’t hear you anyway. 4. That’s a hard one – no matter what he says, remain nice to him and ignore his insults; this will calm down his rage and make him realize that hurting you is not a way out. He will appreciate it later on, trust me on this one.